Are you constantly pulling your hair out because a few of your plants are turning brown and you have no idea why? Maybe you’ve got a plant that just continues to go yellow despite all the love, care, and attention you give it. I mean, we all know the big hitters when it comes to the things that kill our indoor plants, from keeping them in swamp-like conditions to putting them in a windowless basement. We know the basics of what not to do, right? Well, there are a few sneaky little traps and pitfalls that are less well-known that could be wreaking havoc among your collection. I’ll cover them all in this article. I just wish I knew about these when I was starting out on my indoor jungle obsession all those many moons ago. I’d have a much happier relationship with them all now.
I’m a bit of a lazy so-and-so, and my green buddies are normally the first to suffer the consequences. And there is one thing that I do all too often that risks bringing down my entire collection, and it’s to do with pots. You see, I do try to be the loving plant parent of their dreams, and I always repot my plants as soon as they need it. Yeah, right. My usual repotting routine is simple: grab a plant, pull its trousers down, find a pot from my cellar, shed, or garden, and repot it into a bigger space. Simple. Now, the problem is in the pot I normally grab from the cellar, shed, or garden. It’s pretty much always a crusty old pot from the last plant I repotted, and I’ve not yet given it a wash. Not good. I really do need to get into the habit of washing my pots before reusing them. The problem is, there’s tons of bacteria in the soil of our green buddies. Most of it is good, of course, but sometimes it’s bad. Root rot bad. And if we don’t wash our pots, that bad root-rotting bacteria can easily transfer to the plant we’re repotting.
This can bring down a collection in no time, especially if we’re doing a bunch of repotting at the same time. Oh, the humanity! Have a little look at my cute little Philodendron varicosum here. Charming little fella, ain’t he? But the trouble is, I’ve set him up to fail. It’s a setup that applies to lots of other plants you probably have in your collection too. So, yes, this guy is destined only for one place: the compost bin. And it’s all my fault. That is, unless I change one simple thing. You see, varicosum have a very distinct growth habit. They’re intrepid climbers with annoyingly gigantic spaces between the leaf nodes, which means the stems get as lanky as yours truly. And you can see the problem already starting to happen with this fella, getting top-heavy because of the large leaves and thin stems. And before long, the stem will fail and a whole lot of carnage will ensue. What’s the solution then, Mr. Sheffield? To give him a Zimmer frame to support himself? I’ve already got two varicosum climbing up moss poles, and I can’t really be bothered to set up another, so he’ll just have to live with a walking stick instead. It means he won’t mature into a god-like creature like his cousins, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?
So, if you’ve got climbers in your collection wanting to reach for the sky, give them something to rest on so they don’t fall over and break apart. They’ll be much happier. one thing becomes abundantly clear to me: I have too many plants. And this is actually not good, and I’m not talking about my stress levels either. Just look at this area in front of my dining room window. I’ve really got to know when to say enough is enough. Not only is it an unhealthy addiction, it’s also causing problems. All that overcrowding makes it as easy to spread germs and disease around as an overcrowded train on the Picadilly line during rush hour. One splutter from that peace lily and the whole room is going down. Just jest, of course, but overcrowding is a problem. You generally want good airflow around your leafy companions. It stops stale air creating a hospitable environment for fungus to take hold in the silent leaves. Plus, all that touching makes it easy for Mr. spider mite to jump from ship to ship, conquering the entire land. So, my aim for the next few weeks is to try and say goodbye to a few of my babies by putting them up for adoption and creating more space for yet more plants that I’m bound to overcrowd my house with again. I really do need help. And overcrowding isn’t just about having too many plants.
Those little bits and bobs that fall onto the surface of the soil need picking up, my plant friend. Sorry, you can’t leave them there to decompose. Those hiding spots underneath are the perfect breeding ground for fungus to develop and attract the most annoying creature of all: the fungus gnat. So, I’ve got a right mess to clean up here.! Your fussy green pals like to prune. They have space, a clean bed to lie in, and for you to use clean scissors when cutting their hair. Cut a branch with a crusty old pair of pruners that haven’t enjoyed the fragrance of Fairy Liquid in years, and you’ll have no trouble spreading disease around like Salt Bae spreads sodium around his entire restaurant. A nice little hack if your pruners are supremely crusty is to make a little concoction of lemon juice and salt and cover them for half an hour before scrubbing them clean. The salt acts as an abrasive and the lemon cuts through the rust. It’s like they’re you when you go on a homesick holiday for a week or two to get some much-needed rest. Do you get a sense of homesickness for the first couple of days? It’s weird, isn’t it? It could be the nicest place in the world, but that feeling of wishing you were at home in your own bed eats away at you for the first night or two. At the risk of sounding like a madman, this applies to your sensitive little green misters too. Have you ever brought a little madam home, set her up perfectly in your house, doled on her every hour like the perfect parent you are, only to watch her throw it all in your face and develop brown leaves enough to make you cry? Isn’t it?
I experienced this with my Philodendron varicosum last year. As soon as she entered my home, she became a crispy mess. I was at my wit’s end, showing her off to all my friends and family, gutted. I now realize that she must have been homesick, homesick for the perfect greenhouse-like conditions of her former home. And all she needed from me was time. Time to settle in and get used to things: the air, the water, the light, her nosy neighbors. It was all too much for her, and she got spots. I don’t know about you, but I want Instagram-worthy plants ASAP. If I don’t get it, I lose my mind. I’m learning now, though, that if we can just get past the settling-in period, we can end up with a gorgeous plant further down the line. Yes, my plant friend, all that hard work is eventually worth it. Trust me. Now, the reason I’m losing my browning hair at an alarming rate isn’t because of Mrs. Sheffield and the kids or anything to do with money. No, it’s the browning and crunchiness that plagues my precious indoor collection. I’m sure you relate. I mean, just look at that crispy corner you’ve been trying to avoid in the corner of your room. How did you know? I see everything, my plant friend. Anyway, did you know that the simplest, purest thing could have been causing this all along, and that there is a simple solution? Yes, water. The good old, innocent water that is coming out of your tap is most likely slowly killing your baby-faced calathea. You see, that water is most likely laced with deadly chlorine, deadly to some sensitive souls anyway, and it’s the slow buildup over time that can wreak havoc on your collection. But your knight in shining armor comes with a solution: dechlorination or water conditioner. A few drops of this magic potion in your water, and all your troubles will be gone. Okay, okay, not all, but a lot. It’s a more even way to water; the roots are drawn down to the bottom of the pot, and you stand half a chance of keeping those pesky little buggers out of your soil. Gnats, that is. But there is one problem, my plant friend: salt. Yes, salt is one of the biggest killers of the Western world, probably, and not just for us, for our plants too.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t going to kill your plant in a month, but the slow buildup of salts and minerals in the soil from bottom watering can impact soil health over the long term. It’s because we add water for the soil to wick up, and mineral deposits just tend to chill and sit there. So, what’s the solution, I hear you wail? To flush water through the soil every so often. Take your plant over to your sink and run a ton of water through the soil to clear out those naughty minerals and salts, and then get back to bottom watering like a good S.M.P. disciple. In an ideal world, I’d like to do this flushing malarky every couple of months. A pain in the bum, yes, but a necessary evil. So, we all know that we can’t just plunk a plant in a windowless basement and forget about it for weeks on end and expect it to be living its best life. Only a fool would do such a thing. But it really does shock me just how little light so many of my plants are getting. It’s why I’ve got a growing army of sansi grow lights all over my house. Take a look at these plants chilling next to my east-facing window. To the untrained eye, this looks like a great little spot for a bit of early morning sunbathing, right? Surely they grow spectacularly well. No, actually, and I’ve always wondered why that was until I bought myself a light meter, and boy, oh boy, was I in for a shock. Now, for a plant not to become a moody so-and-so, they need at least 500 foot-candles. That’s about medium light. Highlight is above 1,000 foot-candles, which only the brightest spot in your home can probably achieve. Check out the light this spot is getting. Not enough. And it’s things like this that make them hate you. So, there’s absolutely no chance of me putting my newly acquired calathea plants here. They need highlight, which is why I rolled out the red carpet and set up this brand new spot for them with a sansi grow light hanging over them. They get to bask in light easily above 500 foot-candles. . It’s a game-changer. Earlier, I mentioned the good old water, innocent water coming out of your tap, slowly killing your sensitive plants because of the chlorine it’s been laced with. But there is actually another secret killer lurking in your water, ready to do untold damage to your entire collection.
